Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
