the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
