how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have so many feelings about this burrito
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
