Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
