Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize