She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
