You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
