First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize