i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's the barista slut.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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