hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
