Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I smell like Dick and happiness
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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