Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
