Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
