I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
