I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just google imaged poop.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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