What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
