hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
being pregnant is like rehab
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
