Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
worst night to have a conscience
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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