Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
