Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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