I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
