Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
