oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
