Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
