we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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