After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
