Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
