he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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