Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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