I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
