I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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