shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
