theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
did i just pee glitter
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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