I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
