I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
