2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
