Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
