Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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