is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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