There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
