you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
