it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
