So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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