I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
