We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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