whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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