Already got asked if we're dating
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
