the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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