I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
