even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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