so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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