Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
