Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
