Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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