It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
