anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
