there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
