Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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