i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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