I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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