you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
