So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
