I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
