I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
