He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
