Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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