woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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