She announced her abortion via fbk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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